Friday, 21 September 2012

Ten Humourous Housecleaning Tips For Creatives

Well its Friday and the house is in chaos washing to be done and dust is settling on dust. this morning my husband mentioned in passing that it would be nice if I cleaned the kids bedrooms as they cant find the carpet. 'Nice' whats nice about cleaning kids bedrooms? Nice is a cup of tea next to an easel, nice is emailing off for exhibitions, nice is follow fridaying everyone on twitter and generally looking out the window at the clouds. Nice is not cleaning!

Unfortunately I have started the task to save my marriage but my head is exploding with the mundaneness of it all. You see I'm a snob I believe that because I'm an artist I should be allowed to sit and contemplate the world then astound everyone with my visions in paint. It brings me down with a thump when real world problems are suggested to me!

Don't get me wrong my house is quite tidy to the passing glance its presentable enough to greet the postman when I open the door but if you open a draw or cupboard beware for here lies the secret to being creative and married to an OCD character.

1. Hire a cleaner
2. If 1. not possible as in my case, buy a feather duster start at the top of the house waft quickly and sweep into bin at the bottom.
3. Don't iron anything that's what Lycra was invented for.
4. Shove all clothes as many as possible into a washing machine and hope for the best throw out anything that shrinks don't buy white or natural fibres. (If you do use once, then use as rags for paint brushes.)
5. Own an animal they eat up anything left on the floor and can be blamed for all the mess anywhere in the home.
6. Own some children (same Principal as above)
7. Loo cleaner makes a toilet smell nice if you leave the door open it deodorises everything else.
8. Pray for rain you don't have to hang out washing,clean windows etc.. your car get washed and if you leave the kids and pets out they get washed too!
9.Cupboards draws closets wardrobes are great last minute hiding places when you want that look how minimal I am look.
10. If all above fails spray furniture polish liberally around the entrance to your home just before the cleaning inspector (spouse of creative) comes home, and fain exhaustion from household chores and escape back to the easel!